Vegeta's blog
by bimbosarahsurfchick
Summary: Vegeta is forced to write a blog... or as some may say "a diary" about his day out with the woman Bulma to the mall. It shows his take of this one long awful day on Planet Hellhole... Also known to humans as Earth. COMPLETE


Disclaimer: I don't own anything; I just had this idea of Vegeta being forced to write a blog so I just went along with it! Oh and Vegeta may be a bit offensive so don't take offence please!!! I'm just trying to capture his personality.

WARNING: This does contain some explicit language!

R/R please!

**_Monday- _**I can't believe that stupid baka Onna is making me write on this pathetic machine. Its not like I cant tell her how I feel about stuff, its just I choose not to sometimes.

Onna when you read this you are a baka.

Today she dragged me to that stupid place she calls the mall, I detest it there, maybe because I hate places filled with bimbos and gay men and men who are straight but have no brains. If I wanted to hang around with gay men I would have stayed on Freeza's ship.

The shops she made me go in sucked, clothes shops, jewellery shops, and banks, even a dumb garden centre store. I did destroy the gnome collection that resembled that bald chrome dome Krillin. And I also tripped over and kinda broke a water fountain. It was in my way.

I don't understand why humans work all day for their money and then throw it in 'wishing wells' why for kame's sake don't they spend their time looking for the dragon balls then make a wish that will actually come true.

I went into this ridiculous clothes shop full of woman, all of them oogled at me in that weird way, Bulma seems to like dragging me in these shops to show me off like some sort of car. I find it interesting to wind her up, it was hilarious when I pretended to make advances on this blonde airhead woman who had first of all tried to brush past and hit my butt. She dragged me out of the shop with speed that could impress a Falkzon. Hehe little did she know it was my scheme to get out of the claustrophobic smelly shop. I personally thought the blonde woman was nothing but a cheap whore and her face looked like plastic, but it worked and I was out of the shop.

I demanded after going through the ordeal of carrying all her bags (there must have been at least ten in each arm) that I replenish my energy and get something to eat. We went to the burger king place, I don't know why they call it that, no king would ever eat there. I am a prince and have different circumstances to most. Also I have acquired a taste for the 'whopper burgers' they serve. So it's different.

I only had one argument with Onna in the 'burger king' and that was after I flicked a tomato at her, it really is amusing to annoy her, much more fun than ever pissing Nappa off. One of my only hobbies on this dirtball Planet.

After going there she demanded me to repay her back, so like the fool I am followed her where she humiliated me by making me dress up in the most grotesque outfits I believe I have seen so far on this Planet.

I managed to mingle my way out of the store which sold only boring depressing very unpractical clothes like I have seen people where to funerals on the TV, Bulma called them tuxedos I just call them unpractical shit.

And so we went to what the Humans call a sports store.

I felt a little more at ease in there, Onna purchased for me some new boxers, and some 'hoodies' also she got some pairs of trousers that look adequate to run in. she called them 'joggings' or something or other. Not strong enough for me to train in but I suppose if it shuts her up.

Why don't humans just learn to make some suitable strong armour like we had in Freeza's army?

She went to pay the bill while I gathered the many bags that she also got from that shop. Most of it was her crap as usual.

I demanded we return to her vehicle and dump the shit that I had acquired, so we went out of the mall and crammed it into her boot of her open top thing. Little did I know my ordeal was still not over, she then dragged me back inside. So close to freedom yet so far.

I tried to escape oh Kami how I tried but that Onna does have a strong grip and I just knew that I would be left sleeping on the sofa if I did run away and leave her. The _sofa_. That word I hate it, its more uncomfortable than a Prazonian prison cell. The woman knows that I like to sleep in the bed with her and she uses it to her advantage. Usually I fight for my right to sleep in her comfortable bed and end up pulling her out, but then she usually screams my name. And not in the good way Onna. My poor Sayan ears cannot take it, so I end up pissing off and training or finding somewhere else to rest. One time I chucked water over her, if I wasn't going to get a good rest than neither was she, yes she got very pissed, but she was strangely very attractive wearing that bra and underwear whilst she was dripping wet. I wanted to make love to her there and then but as I'd pissed her off she obviously wouldn't let me, she would have a good fight as im sure she finds me extremely attractive but she still can say no when she wants to. It was funny though and worth it, maybe one time the woman could condone to me chucking water on her… I knew the next morning I wasn't going to have a good breakfast. Anyway this dumb diary is for today not last week.

We went back into the Hellhole. That's my new name for it. Hellhole, on planet hell hole in the city of hellhole.

The doors wouldn't open so I blasted them, it was only a small big bang but Onna didn't like it, pfft I opened the stupid door for her what else does she want.

She escorted me to this strange shop I had never been before, yes Bulma you know what shop, that lingerie one.

Some of the items of clothing looked like something a space whore would wear or perhaps a concubine. Strangely some were quite erotic, I quickly found a nice blue transparent kind of gown that matched Onna's hair and placed it into her basket without her seeing. Im sure she will look extremely appealing and sexy for me when she wears that. Another thing that grabbed my attention was some very… tasty underwear.

A 'thong' as Bulma puts it made out of edible 'candy' little did she know that went into the basket as well – I had to carry her basket so why cant I add some things in huh?

Im quite looking forward to tonight, she's gonna be well impressed with the amount I wrote in this dumb diary. Maybe she'll give me a demo of her new sexy attire…

I suppose I ought to finish the stupid mall story anyway, let me see what happened next?

We left the store, I was made to carry around several very ashaming bags in public, I think its just a way that Earth females mark men as there's, like how us Sayan males okay stupid to say that Me and that dipshit Kakorot are the only ones left. – We bite a small mark somewhere on the person like a 'love bite' as humans put it, this shows others to keep their hands off if they don't want an early death.

Well as I've said I think Bulma made me carry the gay man bags just so the other females in the hellhole could see I was taken.

Bulma then made a detour and forced me to go into the stinky drink place where everyone seems to drink that vile smelling hot drink Coffee.

YECK it tastes nearly as bad as it smells in my opinion, if I want energy I just drink some fizzy or a sports energy drink. Very useful for my training in the GR and ERR extra training in the bedroom…not that you give me enough Onna! Haha.

Yeah anyways, I refused to drink that poison so I got a coca cola. This I must say, though I hate to admit is heavenly. It reminds me of something I used to drink back on Vegetasaii when I was a child.

People were smoking all around me another thing I hate, Bulmas father smokes and I hate it, not because of what he's doing to his body. That I couldn't give a toss. Its his problem, I just cannot stand the smell; it reminds me of some of Freeza's henchmen.

The coffee stop was very quick, I don't know why she couldn't just get it takeaway, it was only quick because of my persistent pestering of her, I then as Bulma put it misbehaved. No to me it was normal behaviour; I began to throw my ice cubes at passers by and people sitting drinking their poison.

Hehe it was quite amusing until I threw one a little too hard and it smashed a glass window, actually that was funny as hell, but the look Bulma gave me was scary, so because of that we left. It's the humans fault for making windows made out of glass, haven't they ever heard of a smash and grab? Well I suppose nobody would want to steal a poison making machine.

I was made to wait outside the bathrooms for what seemed hours as Bulma did kami knows what in the rest rooms. What is up with woman on this planet and taking so long in there? I think it's just a place for a social gathering so they can go and talk to each other about their mates and spread lies. Why don't they be more like males, just pee up a bush its so much quicker and more environmentally friendly. Hah I've fixed a problem for humanity, pee in a bush it will help water the plants and give more water for the paupers on the Planet like Kakorot.

Oops Onna is going to tell me off for calling them paupers, she shouted at me just the other day for calling her workers slaves, well what are they then baka? They do what you say don't they - slaves.

I had enough of waiting in the end and I dragged myself and the bags into the women's, I was correct by the way, they do have social gatherings. I saw my mate sitting on the side of the sink whilst gas bagging to some tart I had never seen before.

Onna thanks for that, I'd been waiting for you, and you were busy inside talking about me. Pfft. Humans.

Several women moaned about me, some wrinkled old bag looked like she was about to have a heart attack, just as she knows I wont be the one to give her the kiss of life yeck, id rather drink that poison and sleep on the sofa.

Bulma persisted in ending her conversation abruptly and dragged me out, I only got to call her a couple of names before I was kicked rather hard up the butt and told to behave myself :o( it wasn't hard enough to hurt but still, there was no need for it Bulma, your going to have to make it up to me tonight, or actually skip that, once I finish this stupid thing your making me do.

After that we went in the new clothes shop that opened, I had the joys of yes you guessed it holding those stupid plastic bags and just nodding or shaking my head at what an outfit looked like on Bulma.

I hate doing it, you cant win, if you say you look gorgeous in it, no she doesn't believe me, then if I say no it makes you look fat she gets angry. What am I supposed to say onna!

You know how I feel about you, you know I think you are gorgeous, I wouldn't have told that freak on Namek Gohan it if I didn't mean it. I didn't know your name then, so I just said 'the gorgeous girl'

It was funny when you used to fear me though and a good reason too! I was and still am the strongest person you have ever met.

Yeah well anyway, I sure hope Bulma you're the only one to read this dumb thing, im doing this to make you happy aren't I? And I do think you are the most beautiful, intelligent, sexy, and annoying woman I have ever met. And… I… I… love you.

I hope I just deleted that last bit, I'll tell you what it said later, and I can't work these stupid primitive bits of technology.

Well we were in the clothes shop, but that Yamcha dick came in, amusingly he was on his own again. Ever since I stole his woman he seems to be a loner, when he was with my Bulma though he had no trouble finding sex elsewhere. Him and me never got along, not just because he is weak and an ugly scarface but also because we just hate each other. Maybe that's to do with me Nappa and the green bean Sayaman killing him Haha.

It was funny when I stole Bulma though, she deserved much better than him and how hard is it to pick between a cheap man whore who has the power level of a skunk or a super sayan prince Haha. I wished I had a camera to record his face, if you read this twat features I GOT BULMA LOOSSSERRRRRRRRR.

Yeah well in this stupid store that clown came in and began his whole little escapade to Bulma about how he loves her, I wanted to disintegrate him for the fun of it or at least beat him up, I raised two of my fingers behind my back and generated a nice small ki ball, but Bulma caught me. Damn you Onna, how do you always know!? I'm starting to think that Bulma is maybe part Sayan, perhaps she was dumped on this mud ball Planet and she is really a Sayan. Her mind perhaps wiped like Kakorots or maybe her parents, no there's no way those freaks are Sayans perhaps she was switched at birth… but that wouldn't explain the intelligence. Well I think she is a Sayan and that's that.

She is mentally strong like a Sayan but just not physically, although im sure she could handle some training if I chucked it at her. No way are her parents Sayans though, no no no no no.

Why do I have such a short concentration span, the sooner I get this finished the sooner I get screwed oh yes lets make this quick!

Yamcha, smack, mess, home

Onna stop looking over my shoulder, fine I'll do it properly, why does she only choose to look when I'm rushing.

So Yamcha was in the poofy shop the perfect place for him to find a boy friend im sure. I'd just got caught by Bulma about to not quite blow him up but hopefully blow a hole into him.

He wouldn't shut up to Bulma; that was fine, seeing that geek plead to her was very amusing, I left Bulma to fight her own battle, it was to honour her. I only intercepted when things began to look like they were going to get nasty, twatface began to lose it and grabbed MY mate by her neck. So I personally made sure his legs were not working as well as they were when he had walked into the shop.

I wanted to send him off to the next dimension but then where would the fun be in that? Also I didn't want to upset Bulma, although the look in her eyes reminded me of myself. I think if I hadn't intercepted she would have probably killed him herself but I wasn't going to put her at risk.

Unlike that baka Kakorot I have the ability to kill and not feel guilt, I confess that's one strength I do have, I will never feel pity upon an enemy it is a sign of a weakness.

I swear though twatface is going to pay for threatening my Bulma, I will not spare him death. No that's too nice of a penalty for what he has done; once I get hold of him at the right time, he shall end up pleading for me to end his pitiful existence. – Permission will not be granted.

That was the end of that shopping trip, that baka twatface was carted off in one of those large vehicles with the flashing blue lights on a stretcher. There was hardly any need for all that noise I had only broken several of his weak pathetic bones. Unfortunately no crucial damage as I believe.

We got back home rather quickly; Bulma made me fly her home after she put all her shopping into those strange capsules her father presumably invented. She also capsuled that vehicle of hers; I think she was trying to hurry to avoid the army of weak fools coming after me.

Stupid humans when will they learn that they will never be stronger than the prince of all Sayans? I would have loved nothing more than blowing them all into the next dimension but Onna would make me sleep on the dreaded sofa.

I don't mind I don't particularly like being driven or driving myself one of those vehicles she calls a car. I call it a weakling wagon. I also call those large vehicles they pick up wrinkled old people Peasant Wagons. It's for people who can't afford weakling wagons or for the ones that are so blind or death to see in front of their eyes.

Just thought, skip that last bit; Onna is going to yell at me for putting that. What fucking button do I press to delete? Is that it? It best damned be.

Bulma prepared me a nice meal, which I was confused by, I would have thought after the incidents that happened at hellhole that she would have been angry but she wasn't. It was then that she bargained with me to write this stupid thing.

Only humans write down their thoughts and emotions Sayans don't have too, we are so much superior. That's why we are born with the power of telepathy so when we get close to someone and form a bond we can communicate thoughts or personal things to them.

Onna and me have that; I have a feeling that fool Kakorot and his tyrant of a wife also have that power.

The meal was nice, lots of meat, I don't eat that disgusting vegetation humans call salad, I was born with canines to eat meat and I was born with instincts to kill food if I need too, no way do I eat anything like those dreaded vegetables and that green lettuce shit. I am a meat eater and I am proud. That's one thing that me and the fool Kakorot have in common. There's nothing that tastes better than a wild boar cooked on a spit roast. I think she had something similar only cooked on those funny appliances she uses. I have lost count the number of times Onna has told me off for eating my meat raw from the 'fridge' just because her intestines cannot dissolve it. I bet she hasn't even tried.

After finishing my meal she presented me with this primitive kind of computer she uses for work, and told me to write down my day. I suppose if it's the only way to get some sex and make her happy and not yell it has been worth it.

That is what happened to me on Hellhole Planet on Monday.

There is that good enough for you Onna!

**Disclaimer: well that's it! All done without a plot; I'm pretty impressed with myself!**

**R/R please thanks!**

Surfs up!


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